Listening when He talks

Today I’m going to be touching on a subject that I struggle with on the daily. Today I’m going to talk about God speaking. This is something that I struggle with because let’s be honest here, it’s a little confusing. We hear references to God “talking” in a few different ways in the bible. God obviously talked to us through his son Jesus who was sent to the Earth in the form of a man who had the ability to speak (duh). Sometimes he kind of just talked through burning bushes and stuff but now that Jesus no longer walks the Earth and I don’t know about you but no burning bushes have reached out to me lately, how does God talk to us?
It took me a long time to figure out that God wasn’t going to directly speak to me. Truthfully as a child when I would hear people say that God “spoke” to them, I thought they just heard an audible voice. WRONG. It wasn’t until later on my life that I was thinking I was broken or something because I hadn’t heard God speak to me that I figured out he doesn’t always do that.

I’ve also always heard people say God opens doors and closes them. Which is what really made me figure out that I had heard God speak to me, I just wasn’t listening.

God is in control of all things correct? So in my mind, him “opening and closing doors” is him talking to us.

When I have certain opportunities and decisions in my future thats when I talk to God the most. Constantly praying that he would lead me on the right path and help me make the decision that he sees fit. So when going back and forth about a decision I’m making and one thing looks more achievable or ends up working out better than the other option, in my mind that’s Gods way of telling me which one I should choose.

Let me go ahead and say that this isn’t always exactly what happens and this may be referring to pretty specific scenarios but understanding God speaking to me this way made it easier for me to listen for him to talk to me in other ways as well.

I think everyone can relate to a time they’ve been sitting in church and you feel like the preachers message was written specifically for you, it’s a feeling that can be comparable to reading a fortune that you swear has your name written on it. Once I started listening to God through what was “falling into place” in my life, for lack of better words, I was able to listen to him speak to me through the people he was putting in my life, the things he was allowing to happen in my life, and so on.

It was a whole lot easier to say that God had no intention of talking to me than it was to actually put forth the effort to listen when he was talking to me.

Romans 10:17

So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.

The High Road

Over the past few years and especially recently I’ve come to realize that the high road is a lonely place. Few attempt to travel there and if they make it there they don’t stay long. I will be completely honest, in my 19 years the high road is a place I have rarely been. It is only in the few months since I’ve had my daughter that I’ve even attempted to take the high road. Let me tell you it is a HARD place to be. Not necessarily getting there but staying there. Once you push past the hard part though and decide you’re capable, it doesn’t take long to realize that it’s the best place to be.

I think the hardest part about being the only one on the highroad is that we assume that once we’re on the high road we’ll receive instant gratification… WRONG. I have yet to reap the benefits. Maybe they’ve just been subtle enough that I have yet to notice. Needless to say, no one has handed me a trophy. Many times I’ve been very close to giving up and sinking down to my peers level. I somehow always talk myself into just holding on a little longer. If I stay on the highroad then maybe, just maybe, I’ll get my trophy. Yeah, wishful thinking.

In my mind it should be a big dramatic battle or showdown (my mother would tell you that I think most things should be dramatic). I really thought that once I gained the maturity to not succumb to my natural 19 year old immature tendencies that something more rewarding would happen. I thought that me staying silent instead of lashing out would teach my enemies a lesson, that it would discourage them from posting about me all together. I thought that my silence would show them that I’m the bigger person and they’d automatically wave a white flag.

NOT TRUE.

People still post about me. People still talk about me. People still act immature. People still say things that aren’t true. On the surface it seems as though taking the high road has done nothing for me. However, that’s not entirely true. I’ll tell you what the high road has gotten me.

The high road has given me the knowledge of knowing that people will fight even if there’s no one to fight with, people will talk if there is no story to tell, and people will talk bad about you even if you aren’t there to listen to it.

I believed my silence would take me out of the line of fire completely…

It didn’t…

But that’s okay…

My silence has taught me that you don’t have to show up to every battle. A clever insult or snarky post on social media gives temporary gratification but never does anything. My silence has taught me that people may keep talking but removing yourself from the situation changes it from a two person fight to a one person remark. Trust me it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. There isn’t a day that I don’t want to give in and just lash out at whoever has been trying so hard to hurt me. But at the end of the day I know that lashing out would fix nothing. I may not have a trophy for keeping my mouth shut, but by staying on the high road I’m honoring my God who gave me my mouth and my words to honor and serve him and someday someone will notice and associate my silence with a christ like attitude and that is the whole goal.

Romans 12: 17-18

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Proverbs 19: 11

A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.

“God sometimes being the bigger person is hard. It’s hard to be nice and kind in a world of people who constantly test us. Please give us the power to refrain from stooping to those peoples levels. Please remind us that anything we say and do is a direct reflection of our relationship with you. Help us to remember that we are all your children and you love us all the same. Give us the wisdom to know that the reward for staying on the high road far outweighs the temporary satisfaction of lashing out. May we honor you in everything we do. Help us use our mouths to make a joyful noise and use our words to benefit and lead others to you.”

All who are weak

Have you ever felt tired? Not like “Oh I’ve worked a 14 hour day and I’m ready for bed.” But more of a “My heart and mind are exhausted and I’m tired of feeling like the world is sitting on my chest.” I’ve experienced both and can say that both are equally, for lack of a better word, sucky. While the answer to the first situation is go to bed, the latter situation is a little bit trickier to figure out. Well “figure out” isn’t the best word. It’s more that accepting the solution is the tricky part.

For the longest time my solution to feeling, what I like to call ‘inside exhausted’, was to withdraw, become angry, lazy, unmotivated. So it seemed that the inside exhaustion lasted forever because I wasn’t doing anything to fix it, I was just avoiding it. So many things we deal with in this world can make us feel inside exhausted. School, work, family, husbands, boyfriends, bills, whatever the case may be it is hard to get home everyday and just take the biggest breath in the world but still feel like you’re gasping for air.

In order to be a functioning student, mom, daughter, coworker, teacher, whatever your title may be, we must be able to feel free of our inside exhaustion. Like I said, avoiding it just adds more to the pile and it becomes a ticking time bomb waiting for you to feel weak enough that it can just explode.

During my pregnancy I felt inside exhausted for about 9 months. I was a student going to school about 50 hours a week, I was struggling to find and keep a job, I was alone in a big city without my parents, and did I mention I was pregnant? I remember coming home everyday wanting to relax and kick my so very swollen feet up but never feeling like I could truly rest. When I went to sleep at night it was a constant cycle of thinking of all that I needed to get done the next day.

Feeling this way started to affect all aspects of my life. I felt short tempered and unmotivated at school and at home, dishes and laundry piled up, my grades slipped, and most importantly my faith started slipping. I started to feel like I didn’t have time in my life for God because of the long list of everything else I had going on. Which was ABSOLUTELY backwards. Feeling overwhelmed all the time also made me forget that God is my foundation and my strength. I was going to sleep every night with a list of worries instead of giving it to God. I was forgetting that my strength is found in my relationship with Christ and depending on myself for the strength to get through what I was going through was impossible.

Once I was able to go to sleep every night giving my fears and anxiety to God, my plate was still full, but I knew He would help me get through it, provide me with the wisdom I needed to deal with my problems, and give me the power to know that everything would be okay.

Pslam 55:22

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

Judgment In The Church

As someone who was born in the church, I mean not literally but I came out crying Amazing Grace, I know how it is. Sometimes it seemed like I was the only person in the bible who read the “love thy neighbor” part. I grew up in a southern baptist church where the majority of the congregation was over 50. When different personalities, styles, preferences, and opinions sit in a sermon on Sunday morning together, you can guarantee eyes will wander and voices behind you will whisper. It’s human nature. There’s a few things to know in this situation, you aren’t alone and there’s a Christian way to solve it! 

I remember the first time I took a boy to church with me. Disclaimer before I tell this story, my views of dating as a teenager, especially dating in the church, have drastically changed but that’s a post for another time. Anyways, the first time I took a boy to church I remember having eyes glued to me. I could only imagine what people were thinking “They’re dating, must be having sex too.” “Does her mother know?” “Is he a believer?” The things people were thinking were flying through my head. 

When my dads work load picked up and he stopped attending church with us, every week a new person would ask where he was. Even though they were saying “Where’s your dad this week? We’ve been missing him!”, the “is everything okay at home?”, was always subliminally implied. 

When I stopped attending youth group because of my after school job and my homework load I felt like I was going to be shunned. It felt like some people couldn’t understand that working was a necessity for me to support myself. I mean I believe that God will provide as much as the next guy but that doesn’t mean he’s going to send me a check for my cell phone bill or my college tuition. I was advised to quit my job, make time for what matters, and prioritize, making me feel guilty for doing what I needed to do. 

Some of the things I felt people were saying or thinking about me in these situations were somewhat dramatized, I’m sure. However, that doesn’t take away the hurt, anger, and resentment you feel towards the people or situations that make you feel judged. As Christians we should be encouraging and supporting each other with love and positivity instead of judgment and criticism. I will say I am on both sides of this gun and will be for the rest of my life. It’s a hard thing to catch yourself doing and it’s an even harder thing to stop yourself from doing. It’s part of our sinful human nature. 

Now that we’ve realized we have all been judged and judged others, how do we fix it?

Ive figured out most answers in my life start with P and end with RAY. That’s right, pray! I’m constantly praying for the power and strength to hold my tongue from using my words for destruction. I always try and keep it fresh in my head how it feels to be judged and know that I don’t want that for someone else. 

I also pray for guidance to know the right way to handle the situations in which I’m feeling judged. Going back to the first time I took a boyfriend to church, to avoid the mystery of the boyfriend, I wish I would’ve introduced him to the people at church who I knew were questioning us. I wish I would’ve made our intentions clear and shown them who he was so they could act our relationship with loving arms. Taking away the secrecy and mystery of a situation seems to take away some of the nostalgia with talking about it, and if people were still talking, at least I could’ve known that I did what I needed to do to present my situation in a positive light.

Most importantly pray! Pray for others in the church to show understanding and respect and pray for yourself that God would show you how he wants you to handle those situations. Pray pray pray!